Car.

me

I do not know why I am not being able to speed up my car. I am neither being able to turn up the headlights of the car which could at least help me drive properly nor I am able to give lift to anyone.This particular car has slowed down a lot. I guess people have to push the car I am driving so that I can at least reach to a petrol pump. Sadly, there is no one. I guess I have landed at the place where there is no one. No one is around to help me repair my car.

There are other cars,trucks,bicycles passing by. No they are not competitors ,they are just fellow drivers. While passing by, they wave their hands,run with full speed and I can just smile back to them wave my hands and try to push my car on my own. I wonder if  I have less petrol or if I really need to visit to the repair center. My head is spinning and I do not want my car to break down. I hope it speeds up as soon as possible.

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some random sad feelings…

It is said that what we see from our eyes are always true and right.I do not think so. A situation which is seen by four different people can be interpreted in four different ways as per they empathise the situation.

They tell me that I have better situation than they have.I do not know if I can say I have one.Honestly,I do not think so.

I realize many times while comparing the problems or situation we are in, we tend to forget that everyone of us have our own journey with ups and downs.How easily they say“  you have not faced any hardships that we have“. People hardly show the pain and agony they are going through. It is not only me but almost everyone I know hardly share their sadness. We like to share happiness but sadness is something which you cannot just share with anyone.So many things might be going on in someone’s world. We cannot even imagine how many deaths people are dying everyday behind the smile that are put on those faces.

I was so shocked when they said to me Arpana you are on a safe side. You have less problems.

They will never understand the pain of being alien and alone.They will never understand about being alone in a crowd.They will never understand the agony of having  everything but nothing.

feeling sad-Arpana

Expectations…

Some one told me no matter what I should not expect from anyone. Be it love ,friendship or just a genuine help to a stranger….that person told me we should not expect anything from the other side.

In my view this world revolves on expectation.No one does anything for free. You treat a person with love and care because you want to be treated in same way by that person. You love your spouse, partner with all our heart because you want to get same or more love and warmth in return.

Expectation hurts, this is the bitter truth. You have given all you can and in return when your friend does not seem to put as much as effort as you do…it hurts!

I think I am hurt. Expectation means you are giving an important key to your happiness to some one else. I did the same and I still do. Giving away that key to my friends and people around me is making me quite weak. In return most of the times, I am just left alone( at least I feel it). This does not mean I have started being mean to any of them. Instead I try my level best not to show how disappointed I am.

I try to believe Life is beautiful and things will go on right track again.I still keep my expectations high…and I fly..

Dear Mr.Boyfriend

Dear Mr. Boyfriend,

I am very glad to have you in my life.One should be lucky and be very patient to get a guy like you. I feel happy that distance has never been a great issue for us to be together.It all started from a little chit chat and now here we are strong together even after many years.

You know,how much I miss you.Every time I see a couple walking ,holding their hands I look at my hand and sigh. I see partners giggling and having conversation with their eyes.At that moment I have to close my eyes and wish that you were here with me.When I talk to a friend and he/she talks about getting late to be home or spending time at home because his/her spouse is waiting. It reminds me that my you are waiting for me  as well and I am waiting for you …but  sadly we won’t be meeting soon.Lately,I have been missing you more  and more. Every single second I am alone I have to think about you.

Dear Mr Boyfriend,I cannot imagine me without you.Despite of having long distance relationship since the beginning ,you have become an inseparable part of me.I am glad that you are there.You are so strong,capable of not let my emotion  eat me up,and of course  no one can endure me except you.I am not an easy girl to deal with 😀

Hoping to meet you soon.I really wish us to meet soon.

Arpana:/

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4th day: Ek call ki keemat tum kya jano !

As every usual night, she was in her dreamland. The night was quite clear with lots of twinkling stars and a full moon. The silver rays were making her face much prettier than she was in reality. With glowing and smiling face she was looking very beautiful. It seemed as if she was either with him or she was thinking about him. Every single creature could feel her glowing and enchanting face which could attract everything around her. Suddenly, her facial reaction changed as if it was thundering, lightening and she was left alone over there. Probably, a huge storm was heading towards her which was able to destroy everything. Her innocent worrying face showed she lost him.
Just then, in her half-sleep she tried to get her mobile because she could hear the song (Plain White T’s 1234) ringing which she had saved as a ringtone for him. Her heart broke down into pieces and she started crying. She found out that her mobile was not ringing at all. Her mobile sang only in her dream but not in reality.
Though she tried to sleep again making her believe it was just a nightmare, she understood she was missing him a lot. She was waiting for him to take a small move(perhaps a sms, a missed call or just an email)

I wrote this long ago.. (2009)

Arpana 😉

3rd Day: Lesson Learnt!

Never ever tell your secrets to anyone.

I am feeling very bad today. I trusted and told a secret to someone.I think I told more than I was supposed to.It does not matter if you want to share your secret,pain,happiness with anyone.It will not affect anyone else if it is about your personal life.But as soon as it is about your friend,sibling or any family member do not tell to anybody.I told and I repent now. I should never have done it.

At that moment,I felt whatever I express it would remain between us.Unfortunately, it was not like that. It was told to next person and it kept on passing. I am so ashamed of myself. I hope it will soon be forgotten by everyone and no one will talk about it again.

As soon as you are talking about someone other than yourself you should be very careful. I realized it does not take much time to spread such news. Things are exaggerated…your trust is mishandled and the relationship goes wrong.

I really wish that things do not go worst.I have learnt my lesson and I will not repeat it.Never!

„Keep Secrets! Do not trust anyone easily!“….and think before you speak you never know how people can use the words you have said(knowingy or unknowingly)against you.

Arpana 😦