Expectations…

Some one told me no matter what I should not expect from anyone. Be it love ,friendship or just a genuine help to a stranger….that person told me we should not expect anything from the other side.

In my view this world revolves on expectation.No one does anything for free. You treat a person with love and care because you want to be treated in same way by that person. You love your spouse, partner with all our heart because you want to get same or more love and warmth in return.

Expectation hurts, this is the bitter truth. You have given all you can and in return when your friend does not seem to put as much as effort as you do…it hurts!

I think I am hurt. Expectation means you are giving an important key to your happiness to some one else. I did the same and I still do. Giving away that key to my friends and people around me is making me quite weak. In return most of the times, I am just left alone( at least I feel it). This does not mean I have started being mean to any of them. Instead I try my level best not to show how disappointed I am.

I try to believe Life is beautiful and things will go on right track again.I still keep my expectations high…and I fly..

4th day: Ek call ki keemat tum kya jano !

As every usual night, she was in her dreamland. The night was quite clear with lots of twinkling stars and a full moon. The silver rays were making her face much prettier than she was in reality. With glowing and smiling face she was looking very beautiful. It seemed as if she was either with him or she was thinking about him. Every single creature could feel her glowing and enchanting face which could attract everything around her. Suddenly, her facial reaction changed as if it was thundering, lightening and she was left alone over there. Probably, a huge storm was heading towards her which was able to destroy everything. Her innocent worrying face showed she lost him.
Just then, in her half-sleep she tried to get her mobile because she could hear the song (Plain White T’s 1234) ringing which she had saved as a ringtone for him. Her heart broke down into pieces and she started crying. She found out that her mobile was not ringing at all. Her mobile sang only in her dream but not in reality.
Though she tried to sleep again making her believe it was just a nightmare, she understood she was missing him a lot. She was waiting for him to take a small move(perhaps a sms, a missed call or just an email)

I wrote this long ago.. (2009)

Arpana 😉

3rd Day: Lesson Learnt!

Never ever tell your secrets to anyone.

I am feeling very bad today. I trusted and told a secret to someone.I think I told more than I was supposed to.It does not matter if you want to share your secret,pain,happiness with anyone.It will not affect anyone else if it is about your personal life.But as soon as it is about your friend,sibling or any family member do not tell to anybody.I told and I repent now. I should never have done it.

At that moment,I felt whatever I express it would remain between us.Unfortunately, it was not like that. It was told to next person and it kept on passing. I am so ashamed of myself. I hope it will soon be forgotten by everyone and no one will talk about it again.

As soon as you are talking about someone other than yourself you should be very careful. I realized it does not take much time to spread such news. Things are exaggerated…your trust is mishandled and the relationship goes wrong.

I really wish that things do not go worst.I have learnt my lesson and I will not repeat it.Never!

„Keep Secrets! Do not trust anyone easily!“….and think before you speak you never know how people can use the words you have said(knowingy or unknowingly)against you.

Arpana 😦

The Process

Words are unheard

Silence is misunderstood

Smiles are taken away

Existence fading anyway

Took a step,You pushed 

Gave my hand,You cut them off

 Asked,if anything left?

Smiled…

Yes, but..

 Wait ,Have patience

Time has yet to come.

01-01-2014 Arpana

2nd Day: Clumsy.

What a clumsy day I had…I was supposed to get up early but it was very cold and I kept on lying on my bed. As I had not talked with my special friend(ahem ahem) for 48 hours,I called him. Sadly, the conversation did not end well.It happens in long distance relationship when you have no idea what your better half is doing while you are trying to have a good conversation. Well my bad! I hung up feeling bad and started cursing hehe…Well I will write about being in relationship and all later in another blog.

And as usual I went to college. I went to interview.The funniest part was finding the office. I had the address and I thought I will not have a big problem to get there.The google map also showed 4 minutes to walk from Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof.I am very bad at reading maps. Actually I cannot read map at all.I should be working on it and I have been telling it for more than 4 years Tzzz. Well,I took around 10 minutes to reach the destination which I could have reached in 4 minutes. Well,I must say,I walked through all the red light area near Kaiser strasse ha ha! If I would not have been lost, I would have never walked down that street alone. Never!

Fortunately,everything went well.I have some time to think if I want to take the job( taking survey in bus and train).I am happy 🙂
While returning home I made some good plan for Thursday 😀 . It feels so good to talk to your friends 🙂 I miss them.
Thank god my better half wrote a beautiful Sorry Note! That was sweet 🙂 We had our conversation and he tolerated me and my speech ( I know I am evil) as I was blowing fireballs.

Just half an hour ago I planned to choreograph a dance for two children for a programme that is going to happen in near future.It is going to be awesome if we will find some time to meet. I am desperately looking forward to this opportunity. It is like dream coming true 😀

Today I would like to end this with a note „Dream!“

Arpana ❤

Realisation

Does this make any sense any more

To ask if you or me who went towards shore

Is it right to stay away,not to speak even  a word

When it is known that it feels like cut by a sword

Was neither your fault nor my mistake

Why to act deaf -dumb and put everything in a stake

Agreed,I act blind,deaf,dumb and everything else

And am aware  it does not make any sense

Sorry that I’ve hurt you knowingly-unknowingly

But I  love  you more than my  almighty

I know I cant rewind the time

still…I  promise future is going to be all yours and mine

I will overcome my weakness

and

Again we will live the days of happiness

Take a step forward..will be desperately waiting  for it

Love me again ,trust me will show you the brighter side of me

Hardest Decision

She has been trying to contact him for four days. She has done something which made her husband to leave without saying a word. She has no idea where he was. She hesitatingly dialed her husband’s number.His mobile kept on ringing and with it her heartbeat became faster but he did not bother to pick up the call, for she did something that was not supposed to be done which hurt him a lot. Realizing her mistake she has been sending lots of messages but those messages never reached to his heart though to his mobile. She used every possible way to contact him but he was not to find anywhere. He did not give her any signs of getting home. She was being restless and unable to understand what was going on in their relationship. She has planned so many things with her husband which seemed to break down every moment he delayed to reply her and denied to see her. She was dying in agony and pain. His silence hurt her and was working as a slow poison which made her weak every time she took another breathe.

She admitted her mistake and was ready to get any type of punishment, but not her husband’s inhibition. She would have been very happy if he would have shouted at her for what she did. But that was not the case. He did not blame her for anything. He just left her alone which made her broken hearted. He was her smile and now her smile is gone. She wanted him to talk with her though she knew it would never happen in this situation.  She kept on calling him but he never answered any of her calls. She kept on sending messages hoping he would reply one of them. In fifteen years of marriage he had never been like this. This sudden change made her restless and uncertainty raised to its highest level.

Her sleepless nights, swollen eyes and a sad face were showing intolerable pain she was going through. She has not been out of her house so that she won’t miss any calls from her husband or husband himself in case he decides to come back home. It was fifth day after her husband left, suddenly her mobile rang. She hurriedly picked up the call but no one talked to her from another side. She sat on the couch and thought if it was his call. After five minutes her mobile rang again. This time it was a sms. She was shivering after she saw his number. She did not have any courage to read it. But putting lots of emotion and strength she opened it. At the same time the cold wind blew outside… thunder came and there was lightening with heavy rainfall. Reading sms at first she was still. After few seconds tears fell down as heavy rainfall from the sky. Her heart cried as loud as thunder outside. It looked like even the sky understood her pain and was crying with her. She then concentrated the last sentence of sms “hard decision is to be made,hardest decision ever”…She kept on crying and crying for she saw the uncertainty of darkness that was heading towards her ..

15-08-2010 Arpana.